somewhere hearts are whole

whee! exams are here. i feel drained already. but tomorrow, i'm going to buy suckerfish!:D haha..
*purses lips and opens and closes mouth gapingly

just 7 more months of this. doesn't feel like this is coming to an end, don't know if i want it to. haha so strange that i always complain about having no time and having my life being structured by project meetings and deadlines and school, but then again i think i'm pretty comfortable where i am (say WHAT?). haha can't believe i actually feel that way. happy thing is that i found a pimple cream to combat the pimples that the life i'm "pretty comfortable" with gives me! what with late nights and 4am bedtimes. heh. this all feels so familiar and.. safe. not like clinicals which we'll be on for 8 whole weeks (read: no social support!). and graduation, feels like it's drawing near but not really. excited to graduate. :)

lunch at 18 chefs today was good, and it's under the yellow ribbon project:) food was filling, crew were friendly and company acted like it was post exams celebratory lunch. shared realities. hoho. in one lunch we had reminisence, talked about graduation, and all things familiar (i.e. school!). HAHAHA. cannot wait to wear prom dress to the last exam paper. and possibly a sun dress next friday. that will be exciting. miss doing stupid things like dress up days haha we had wear nice day and red and black day and uniform day. then normal school days didn't seem so mundane anymore:)

i was clearing my inbox and realized how much i miss sewing! mehs. okay should get back to reading and sleep soon:)
till tomorrow when my sucker fish arrive! wheeeeeee.

i'm tired:( all the sleep i've been having isn't reducing the amount of fatigue at all at all at all!:(

wish i could objectively measure the outcomes of therapy. haha. then it would be easier to remember the difference made. i feel likt just going to sleep and not waking up unless well rested. guess bliss is like the taiwanese tour guide says, being able to sleep and wake up naturally, without any alarm clocks or people waking you up. perhaps i'm just complacent and not really tired. wish i would stop having random weird dreams and waking up feeling tired, like i haven't rested at all:( maybe i have a sleep disorder. strange that everything is so "medicalized" so to speak. continuous confusion/anxiety really takes it's toll after 4 weeks. haha. yayness. oh well.

friday night/evening it was fish & co glasshouse, then a try for Aston's Specialties and finally settling on the Indulge at the cathay basement, where excited waves result in confused waiters and weird looks from the adjacent table. off we move to the next destination, objective of the night was to be aimless and wandering. walked and saw smu bazaar thingy, heard a band and moved closer only to find our friends jason mraz-esque and mr. shouter. walking away soon after mr. shouter started his song, we ended up at timbre to find that there was no breeze, long queue. on to timbre at arts house, contemplated going on a river cruise then decides not to because the river cruise stop has no nets machine; so end up sitting at a stone bench outside timbre, watching a STILL couple and ten million people fussing around with equipment. morons wonder why people make life difficult for themselves by having furry mops, the rolling thing for the camera man, lighting screens and props like huge green bench. people walk past, stop and wait for something to happen on the set. most walk away after they realize that nothing is going to happen and that the couple is just going to continue sitting there. we listen to john mayer and more than words and jason mraz and mr. mumbler. wish more people would have seen the engagement party stunt, where the man sings an excerpt from "with you" by chris brown to his fiancee, who has him on a lightsticks lease:) makes me feel fuzzy to see people in love, albeit the band member was reading the dedication with a deadpanned voice. timbre arts house always makes me feel like it's christmas, with the strings of yellow lights, warm laughter and conversation. finally see the filmming people wrap up after 1.5 hours of sitting there. there is STILL no breeze, the night air is warm and humid and we feel suffocated, and in need of a toilet facility. we venture to macdonalds to use the toilet, and i realize i must be more assertive to prevent two terrible men from stealing the toilet away. macdonalds is out of ALL ice cream, we are disappointed and walk along the back lanes of boat quay, past TCC (funky old school + modern decor!), eski bar, karaoke lounges and mama shops:)

saturday evening we buy tickets to watch destinies of flowers in the mirror, have dinner at soup spoon with multiple confused trips to the cutlery section, make up life stories for the people who work there, clap along with the naan man and try not to stare at other people who look interesting. we lose ourselves in MPH looking at TERRIBLE BOOKS (baby animal postcards with captions that say things like: a.) it's malignant, b.) you're adopted, c.) grandma passed away, d.) you're fired, etc.) and other random books about hot make out sessions in japanese and some stationery. walking to esplanade a couple asks for directions to raffles hotel, we can't direct them, ask someone else then run up an escalator to find the couple at a map, circle a finger around the city hall mrt icon saying, "raffles hotel is....." only to be interrupted by the lady who says, "here!" triumphantly with her finger on the icon that says raffles hotel. we rush to the recital studio, sit in darkness and wait for the play to begin, sit in confused darkness for an hour while the play progress and finally ends, then try to dissect the play and find our own meaning in it over marshmellow crepe at max brenner's, which seems to have shrunk:( on our way to the fullerton, we stand on Elgin bridge and wait for SBS buses to drive through so that we can feel the concrete tremble beneath our feet, with various attempts to capture the night scene from the bridge:) the night ends with us successfully finding our way to raffles place MRT:)



LDR is something else altogether. i'm coping well i suppose. i should be anyway, after all it's been a month or so. i guess right now it's waiting so that friends are able to make time for me. i've not been a part of their lives for so long anyways, and it's not fair for me to expect them to make time for me, when all along i've been so caught up with spending time with someone else. i'm starting to enjoy this life :] kind of. pilates class FINALLY starting and having enough students for a class would make me much much much happier:)

:) if you are reading this, if anyone still reads this, please date me:) and welcome me into your life again, i hope. :)